July 21, 2004 || Hopelessness

Ok I am feeling really stupid and jealous at the moment. Something I hate feeling. I mean I love my brother. I do. I know he's a lazy oaf who most of the time treats me like crap and that's usually all I've been saying about him. But he's so much more than that. My brother is brilliant and I have always prayed that my brother will succeed in everything he does. I mean I seriously would sacrfice my own happiness for him...and I do that now. I am always going out of my way to make sure my brother is happy. I'll stick up for him. I'd lie to my own mother for him. I rarely get angry at him to his face.

But I don't know...I mean my brother breezed through his first semester at Uni...As in he always did things ON THE FREAKEN DAY and he ended up getting these amazing grades I could only dream of while I on the other hand have worked my butt off last semester to apply myself, spending less time on the net and I've performed worse then any other semester.
ARGH! It's so annoying. I mean I'm passing. Thank God! But still...I've never been a genius but I always worked hard.

Meh...that's just me.

My education is everything to me. But who knows how long that would remain...I mean ask me 2 years ago what I valued more in this world I would have said my music...my piano...and I've barely had time on the piano to play any Beethoven, Satie, Tchaikovsky...now all I seem to have time for is pop songs which I'd normally despise playing because there was hardly any depth in it. I still love my piano. I still love my music. But performing in the Conservatorium of Music in Sydney was the highlight of my music career and that was years ago. I haven't performed in front of an audience for 2 years...I miss it.

Ok I sort of went off topic. Well I should be going.
I love Daniel Radcliffe!

Posted by Kat at July 21, 2004 08:12 PM